“Never dare an Aries.” The Shy Guy coined this definitive warning almost 30 years ago.

I can’t imagine to whom he might have been referring. That I am easily manipulated by challenge is indisputable. I have the scars to prove it. I know the throb of adrenaline surging in my ancient veins, a knowing smile twisting my lips and a 14-year-old surfing addict’s urge for action.

He is a Pisces. One awful aspect of this astrological sign is a maddening obsession with considering every conceivable, unimaginable and paranoid possibility in every course of action.

Sensible beyond dispute, but so glacially slow the plums have dried to prunes before he selects the one he wants.

Not that I believe any of this clap-trap. Not. After all, Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, with the head as the ruling body part.

I’m not bragging, just repeating the folkloric tale.

I am conducting a scientific survey of anyone who will respond. The results of this poll will be analyzed by a sophisticated computer model devised by candidates for full professorships in occult visions.

The situation is this. You are marooned in an old-fashioned Titanic-type lifeboat in the middle of a body of water with no land visible. The sky is clear. Your ship is gone. It was a surprise cruise and you don’t know where you are.

The lifeboat has four oars, two gallons of water, a 42-ounce box of Ritz crackers, one tarp 12 feet by 16 feet, a 100-foot roll of 10 gauge wire, dull tin snips, six flares, six blankets, log book and pen. There is a telescope, bottle of champagne, hand mirror, metal 12-inch ruler, fruitcake and one Hershey’s extra dark chocolate, Jumbo. Copy of George II’s color book, with black and white crayons. You have an axe and two empty 6 ounce cups. No beer. No coffee. No toothpaste. No cologne. No cell phone or radio.

One of every sign of the zodiac is present. You are all in your pajamas. Gender is unclear. You are strangers.

I got the traits associated with the signs from an irrefutable source, the Internet. Please fill out and e-mail the form following, enter as often as you want. Spread it around.

Aries: Adventurous and energetic. Foolhardy and daredevil.

Taurus: Patient and reliable. Self-indulgent and greedy.

Gemini: Adaptable and versatile. Cunning and inquisitive.

Cancer: Emotional and loving. Clinging and unable to let go.

Leo: Generous and warmhearted. Dogmatic and intolerant.

Virgo: Modest and shy. Perfectionist and conservative.

Libra: Diplomatic and urbane. Flirtatious and self-indulgent.

Scorpio: Determined and forceful. Secretive and obstinate.

Sagittarius: Optimistic and freedom-loving. Tactless and restless.

Capricorn: Practical and prudent. Miserly and grudging.

Aquarius: Friendly and humanitarian. Unemotional and detached.

Pisces: Imaginative and sensitive. Weak-willed and easily led.

Please complete every item, no matter how inane, and e-mail it to me.

1. Your sign and age. If you don’t know your sign, consult the astrology column on the comics page.

2. Do you regularly consult said column?

3. Do you find you fit the profile for your sign? How? Six words, max.

4. Your assessment of the value of astrology in everyday life. Two words, max.

5. What are the first three things you would do in the lifeboat scene? Nine words max.

6. What are the three most useful things in the boat?

7. What would you get rid of? Why, in four words?

8. Who would be a natural ally? Why, in four words?

9. Of whom would you be wary? Why, in four words?

10. Why are you doing this? Ten words, max.

11. May I use your real name/academic credentials in the column? If so, what are they?

12. If not, what pseudonym do your prefer? Or can I make it up?

13. Commentary on methodology or a deeply philosophical observation. No more than six pages.

This is the first of two columns on this rigorous study of the validity of astrology in determining destiny. I hope to hear from you by Leap Year Day: an auspicious date.

If you were born on Feb. 29, 1900, your 27th birthday is coming up.

Peg Elliott Mayo writes from the Coast Range. She invites comment at uncommonideas@rivervoices.com and readers to her blog: www.peak.org/~pegmayo/