Several years ago, my wife and I agreed to have one of our daughters move back into our home with her newborn son. She and her husband were having some difficulties at the time, and for six months, we helped her as she got back on her feet. For those few months, we experienced the joys and the stress of this living arrangement.

I recently found out that our family experience was not typical when you look at the experiences of grandparents raising their grandchildren. I sought out a local expert, Katy Trautman, who has been working with the issues of kinship care for many years. As an expert in this field, Trautman told me that the typical ways for grandparents to become involved in raising their grandchildren is through the chaos of drug and alcohol abuse, divorce, domestic violence or psychiatric issues of one or both parents.

In Oregon, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that there are more than 51,000 children living with grandparents and other relatives. Nationally, the numbers of grandchildren in households headed by a grandparent is 5.7 million based on estimates from a 2006 survey.

The challenges are enormous for all members of the family. Sometimes there are four generations in play as the grandparents are also in a care-giving role for one or more sets of parents, which puts additional stress on everyone in the family.

Through her experience of working with families, Katy has learned that there are some key areas that grandparents need to address if they are parenting a grandchild. The first is to educate yourself with as much information as you can. There is a need to become familiar with the grandchild’s school and educational needs, any medical issues, to explore the financial issues and help that may exist, and to become educated about the potential legal issues, particularly if there is a need to become the legal guardian of the grandchild.

Katy also discussed support issues and the reality that grandparents will need to recognize the huge change in their life as they take on the parenting role again. There are numerous supports available such as kinship care groups, Web sites that provide information and blogs that allow for discussions and a chance to receive tips for raising a grandchild. Another aspect of the support needs for some grandparents might be the need for respite services. Time to relax and take care of yourself can become scarce if the parenting role for an active toddler or teenager takes all of your time and energy. Sometimes, besides other relatives or friends who can offer a chance to get away, there are social service agencies and state resources that can help, as well.

During our discussion, I discovered that there are many social service agencies and faith-based organizations as well as local and state government resources that offer a variety of resources and supports for those who ask for help. Often the grandparents just need someone to talk to as they deal with the grief of a retirement lost to parenting a grandchild, the grief of seeing the failure of their child as a parent or the challenge of balancing all the responsibilities that they did not expect.

For many grandparents this is a second chance as a parent. It’s the chance to be a better parent, to parent in a different way than the first time or to parent through love and support rather than parenting through discipline and fear.

If you are parenting a grandchild, then I hope that you will seek out the support and assistance that our communities have to offer. Our grandchildren are the future.

Scott Bond is the director of Senior and Disability Services for Oregon Cascades West Council of Governments, the Area Agency on Aging for Benton, Linn and Lincoln counties. He can be reached at 541-812-6008 or by e-mail at sbond@ocwcog.org.