'Spider-Man 3' catches flack in its web, but not so 'Shrek The Third'

'SPIDER-MAN 3'

Spidey's back! And as the saying goes: "With a great new costume comes great character development." This baby's got it all: skyline fight scenes, troubled love affairs, introspection, and a multimillion-dollar budget. The only thing it's lacking is a quality plot. Oh, and satisfactory dialogue. Doesn't have much acting either. Also the CGI graphics are slammed in your face. And the villains aren't actually that exciting or malicious. So once you throw into the mix some ridiculously pompous dancing scenes, this movie is a huge disappointment.

Let's get this straight. Peter Parker's true love Mary Jane is having second thoughts about their relationship as well as covering up a bad career - a dangerous combination. She also is jealous of Peter's sexy classmate, Gwen. The real murderer of Peter's uncle has just escaped from prison, and turned into the not-so-evil villain Sandman. Harry, the loyal friend, has donned a variation of his father's Green Goblin costume and is trying to kill Peter. Oh, and a glob of black gobbly-goop from outer space has become Spider-Man's spiffy new costume, but at the same time taken over Peter's psyche and turned him "emo." Got it all? That's only the beginning of the mayhem the movie calls a "plot." Because of this, the movie doesn't have time to flesh out any specific plots and leaves them to brew on the stove, producing a stew similar to combining all ingredients of the pantry or filling your glass with a little bit of every soft drink at the soda machine. In its defense, however, the stunning visual feast that we've enjoyed in the past two installments is still quite present, though this time with angst-y bangs slung over the eyes.

Although I may have walked out of the theater a little disgusted, "Spider-Man 3" is not a complete failure. It's basically enjoyable, and is almost worth seeing as laughable entertainment. But it's a limping effort compared with the first two. The trilogy hobbles to a finish when it should have slung its sweet web and soared.

'SHREK THE THIRD'

At last! Testimony that a third installment can keep the magic alive! "Shrek" is back doing what it does best: pop culture shout-outs, musical/dance break-downs, irreverent humor that at times will whiz over the kiddies and still enough slapstick and classic cartoon nonsense to keep those wee ones happy. Of course you've seen this all before. They took something very familiar, and made it shiny and new again.

With the King of Far Far Away incapacitated, Shrek and Fiona are in charge. But it's not long before everyone's favorite clumsy green ogre realizes he'd make a better Pussycat Doll than king. So when he finds out the next heir is long-lost cousin Artie, he recruits Puss and Donkey to set out to sea and bust the voice-cracking geek out of a hilarious and aptly portrayed high school. But as in any spoofed fairy tale, there needs to be some evil resistance. That comes in the form of golden-locked Prince Charming, the troubled heartthrob. With Shrek out of town, the prince wants to take the throne with force, employing the help of his fairy-tale villain colleagues. It's up to feisty Fiona and her squad of fairy-tale princesses to defend the kingdom. Sound a little predictable? It is. But that's what these are supposed to be, right? Unfortunately, that beautiful balance of kid jokes to parent jokes achieved in the first two films has been tossed to the winds, resulting in some disappointment from the 10 and under crowd.

The dynamic between Puss in Boots and Donkey continues to be wonderful, and the line "And in the morning, I'm making waffles!" makes a welcome return. And really, no Shrek trilogy is complete until you've seen the Gingerbread Man's life flash before his eyes, Snow White make birds attack with "Immigrant Song," or a chorus of frogs sing "Live and Let Die" at the frog-king's funeral, whose body is floating away in a shoebox.

Michael Grant is a freshman at Corvallis High School who reviews movies for teens, tweens and other young people. If you're from Linn County and are interested in contributing to Teen Screen, contact Jake TenPas at 758-9514 or jake.tenpas@lee.net.