I must immodestly quote last week's column to put today's in perspective.

"Wild animals, including humans, set up pecking orders. The Boss Chicken gets to pick on all the others, eat their food, crowd them off the roost, poop on their feet and mock their quality. Boss is Numero Uno: Alpha. Beta chicken gets to pick on all the others except Alpha, and the beat goes on down the ladder. At the bottom of the social order is Omega, lowest of low, eater of leftovers, endangered, plucked."

Darwin, confirmed.

Humans remain in general competition throughout life. Oh, sure, we cooperate sometimes. We cooperate with those on our team. Those whose labor we need to augment our own. With those we genuinely love. But even in those areas, someone is usually the leader/adviser or holder of the remote/checkbook.

Why are we this way? Is it evolution run amok? What use is it if I am proud of having the first 15-cylinder flimflam on the block? Do the right shoes matter so much? What about the most profligate electric display of holiday house lights in the neighborhood?

Males and females compete across the gender lines and as well as in intramural contests. There is no way to write on this topic without generalizing and losing the individual into the stereotype. So understand, I'm not talking about you, personally. Or me. Really.

Is it not strange that strong men choke up if the Jackasses lose possession of a pig's bladder? That's how football started. We're talking about grown men here, not those on 17-year-old testosterone highs. Does the first or last cubicle house Alpha? How is this determined? Proximity to the boss or the restroom?

It seems that these judgments and rankings are left over from the time of life when gene spreading was the strongest impulse and getting oneself bred crowded out all other considerations.

In maturity, how does it serve a guy to keep beer chugging until he has a front porch as big as the White House's? What about her tripping along on stiletto heels and low-cut peasant blouses right into assisted living?

Women flex less muscle, rather we'll likely start with appearances, move on to displayed virtue and can be sweet enough to require listeners to get a shot of insulin. A few of us may be just the least little bit bossy.

Put three Alpha-wannabe females in a room of other women, drawn there by a desire to accomplish something - an elimination of transfats/cheap chocolate/pantyhose, build a new park or promote world peace. Watch the competition develop.

Jelly Bean metaphorically lifts the gavel, calling the group together to consider whatever. Those who stop rattling their bracelets to attend her have yielded position.

Marmalade rouses to say she objects to having an acknowledged leader or agenda, that we are women and all equal, so let's sit in a circle and speak only on impulse. Those that nod agreeably have joined her pack.

Raspberry Reign (a child of the '60s) stands to ask if anyone there ever belonged to either the Peace and Freedom Party or Arm Wrestling International. And do we really need a park when we all ought to be working to free the world from the internal combustion engine?

Oh, dear. Let's calm down and eat some of that scrumptious mango torte Tequila Sunrise whipped up for us.

Inter-gender competition is the source of much bad comedy and dramatic angst. In the business world the assertive, effective, no-nonsense woman is in danger of being called a debutante wolf lady. An empathetic, flexible and responsive male in the same scene may well be labeled a wussy, sneaky bottom-pincher or a closet case. It is a strange, strange world we live in, Master John.

First question: Is all this competing a waste of energy or an inevitable culling process?

Second question: If wasteful, what else could better serve the purposes of well-meaning decent people?

My answers? I can't say. I left after asking them, which is either Alpha or Omega behavior depending on the bias of the judge.

Peg Elliott Mayo is a mentor and author. She welcomes comment at uncommonideas@rivervoices.com; or P.O. Box 542, Blodgett, OR 97326; or 456-2282. Her Web site is www.rivervoices.com and blog is http://pegelliottmayo.blogspot.com.