1) I used to have a glass-animal collection. Technically, I still do.

2) Until fifth grade, I thought rock music was evil. I was not religious or Christian. Just a massive nerd.

3) I've never read a comic book.

4) My lower back hair could be an obscure, highly unlikable Muppet.

5) I am a pretty good shoplifter.

6) Sometimes, when my dad is talking, I picture all his words on a page to keep myself interested.

7) As a child, I was deeply sad every night, and my solution was to fall asleep listening to Jim Croce's "Greatest Hits" on my mono Sony tape player.

8) I would like to meet other Jews who like country music.

9) I have never smoked a cigarette. Or inhaled anything. But I ate the crap out of some pot brownies. Awesome.

10) I get grossed out by anything slightly anatomical, but not when it's in pornography.

11) I cannot figure out why my parents didn't spend the first 12 years of my life thinking I was gay. Or the next 15 years.

12) I had chicken pox on my genitals.

13) I spent six years living in a 450-square-foot studio with my now-wife and would not have a problem doing it again.

14) I am shocked that of all my friends, John Hodgman became the most famous.

15) I would totally give up beef before lamb, lamb before pork, and pork before fish. In case that kind of thing goes down, I'm prepared.

16) I got a tour from Hugh Hefner of the Playboy mansion, and there were no women around. Just a gardener and a zookeeper.

17) I use Rogaine. But not even real Rogaine. It's Costco Rogaine, which makes it even sadder.

18) In 1985, when I was 14, I used my Apple 2e to get on bulletin boards where I would taunt other people in rhyming couplets, calling myself the Rap King. And I'm now married.

19) My favorite Dungeons & Dragons character was a wizard named Solon who did not, to be honest, really deserve all his experience points. That felt good to finally say.

20) I have no idea what she looks like now, but I'd roll the dice and sleep with my kindergarten teacher.

21) I usually cannot tell when people are Hispanic. They just look Sicilian or Jewish to me.

22) I dislike parentheses.

23) I got bored around No.12.

24) If I could time travel, I would definitely pick the future.

25) Unlike every other journalist at Time magazine, I instinctively thought we shouldn't go to work on Sept. 11, 2001. But I was on the thank-you-for-your-work e-mail anyway.

- Joel Stein, Los Angeles Times columnist