I want to thank Mr. Leard for writing his recent letter about appreciating Dr. Rosemond's down-to-earth advice for parents.

My husband and I have used a similar approach in raising our children, long before I was aware of Rosemond. Our kids, who are now in their 30s, are responsible adults with good jobs.

As parents we basically let them deal with the consequences of their behavior that directly were related to the issues. We didn't do a lot of explaining, justifying or defending our ways of raising them but expected them to just behave, do their homework without us having to push them to. We allowed them to make mistakes under our supervision to keep them safe and to give them the opportunity to learn from these so we didn't always have to warn or hover over them. This also gave them a sense of accomplishment and independence.

Here is unedited feedback from our (now-adult) three children:

No. 1: "We were allowed to do our own thing and to be ourselves growing up; freedom to always pursue our interests."

No. 2: "I think the consistent family dinners with no TV have been very important. We always knew what was going on with each other. It turns out to be quite uncommon when I see how friends and colleagues approach this at their homes, usually having everyone just grab food whenever and eat in rooms or at the TV."

No. 3: "Being given the freedom to learn by trial and error was very valuable. Developing a brain requires repeatedly experiencing hard-earned successes and failures; having had the opportunity to learn by repeatedly trying till we succeeded enabled this." Understandably the only way to have enough motivation to repeatedly try something in the face of adversity is to be doing something you want to do. Because this is not easy for parents to predict, it was critical that we were permitted to pursue our own interests, rather than being pushed into doing what our parents thought would be best for us."

I think this explains why I value Rosemond's views on parenting. 

Irma Kapsenberg

Corvallis (Jan. 9)

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