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Melancholia

"Melancholia" is not nearly as quaint a film as this photo makes it seem. (Christian Geisnæs)

In June, you may recall we discussed the possibility of large cosmic objects crashing into Earth, the importance of having a bunker (possibly a multi-million dollar luxury one) and the questionable prophecies of ancient aliens re-invading Earth to steal our gold. It was an eventful month.

Even though aliens weren’t the main topic, I’ve included a lot of movies about extraterrestrial invasions since we won’t cover that potential end-of-the-world scenario in-depth later.

BOOKS

I don’t read sci-fi.

 

MOVIES

1951

Brief description: An alien  dude and a robotic meanie land in post-WWII Washington D.C. They tell the Earthlings to behave or be destroyed.

Lesson learned: Behave.

Relevant quote:“The future of your planet is at stake.” Thanks for the memo, alien dude.

1979

Brief description: An astronaut traipsing around an unexplored planet trips into an alien egg, which implants itself in his body then escapes and wreaks havoc on his shipmates. Crewmen die; the cat survives.

Lesson learned: If all else fails, pretend to be a feline. Aliens apparently aren't into cat meat.

Relevant quote: “I can't lie to you about your chances, but you have my sympathies.”

1998

Brief description: An asteroid hurtles towards Earth, so Bruce Willis hurtles himself towards the asteroid. Arwen cries pretty.

Lesson learned: When throwing together a space mission to save humanity, make sure to include someone with messianic tendencies.

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Relevant quote: “We didn't see this thing coming?”

2002

Brief description: Jolly Green Giants from outer space attack earth while Mel Gibson brandishes a butcher’s knife.

Lesson learned: Wear tin foil on your head, because obviously your thoughts are top priority to aliens.

Relevant quote: “You are going to feel very silly when this turns out to be make-believe.”

2011

Brief description: So it’s about a storm, not an asteroid. Same difference. The dude builds an impressive storm cellar in the backyard.

Lesson learned: Even if an asteroid never collides with our planet, a bunker can still be a worthwhile investment.

Relevant quote: “Sleep well in your beds. Cause if this thing comes true, there ain't gonna be any more.”

2011

Brief description: A morose Kirsten Dunst gets hitched as people anticipate the titular planet passing spectacularly close to ours. Dunst and her sister worry the wandering planet may destroy Earth.

Lesson learned: Movies that are basically extended metaphors for depression are not very cheery.

Relevant quote: “Life is only on Earth, and not for long.”

 

EXTRA

Brief description: This page allows you to calculate the impact of a given space projectile, if it were to hit Earth.

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