And bringing up the rear is In-N-Out. Before you tell me there's a way to "hack" these fries, or somehow make them better, either by loading them with American cheese and secret sauce, or by ordering them well-done, I will grant this: It certainly doesn't make the fries any worse. Just as dumping the fries into a dirt pile on the shoulder of a highway access road and running over that pile with my car would also probably not make the fries any worse. Why can't In-N-Out make better fries? The answer is that they likely could, but don't need to, because we're in love with dreamy California car culture, palm trees and red-and-white tiles, and romantic sense-memory associated with their overrated burger. I am a thousand percent guilty of this, and have posted more than one Instagram Double-Double thirst trap in full knowledge that, barring a road trip, there's little culinary excuse for hitting up an In-N-Out. In-N-Out is always crazy busy so the fries are fresh, at the very least. But they're also bland, crumbly little matchsticks that aren't improved by any amount of ketchup, salt, cheese or salad dressing you want to add to them. Texture ranking: 18.