On Oct. 15, 1997, the combined Cassini-Huygens spacecraft took off on a seven-plus year voyage to land a 700-pound probe on Titan. On Jan, 14, 2005, scientists successfully landed that probe. I remember that day well, because as I and a few friends celebrated the landing, the main headlines had to do with Britney Spears' ongoing life saga.

Scientists can calculate that the next arrival of Halley’s Comet will be on July 28, 2061. Medical scientists are using cochlear implants to give hearing to the deaf. Every day, about 100,000 planes take off and land safely using advanced scientific technology. Dr. Francis Collins, director, National Human Genome Research Institute, is an evangelical Christian who has stated that the scientific evidence for evolution is overwhelming, to which some Bible-thumper in a MAGA hat responded “I don’t find the evidence for evolution compelling.” Bless his poor little pea-pickin’ heart. Scooter probably thinks Demi Moore is an alien because she was born in Roswell, New Mexico.

All of the above goes to demonstrate the wisdom of one of my favorite stand-up philosophers, Ron White, who listed all the things human science and ingenuity can fix. Nose jobs, breast enhancements, hearing aids, etc.” But there’s one thing you can’t fix,” White says. “You can’t fix stupid … stupid is forever.”

Speaking of which, President Trump uses Sharpies to forecast the weather which, unfortunately, is changing for the worst … changing forever. And heartbroken couples around the world are deciding not to bring children into that world … forever.

Michael Coolen

Corvallis (Sept. 12)

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